There are so many blog posts out there on how to get a job that we at Agile Search thought it would finally be time for something different. Everyone’s giving you tips on how to get a new job, but nobody’s saying anything about avoiding job offers – here are some killer tips on not getting that job (that you probably don’t want anyway)!
1. Don’t prepare – at all
This one can be started much before the interview time, with absolutely no effort! How, you ask? Just don’t do anything. Make sure to know as little about the company as possible, and how you would be a good fit for the role. To boost the next step, you can even not check where your meeting is or how to get there.
2. Arrive late
Here’s an easy one as warm-up. Interview starting at 9AM? You should breeze in at a cool 9:10 or 9:15. That’ll set the expectation right from the start, and will help you establish yourself as someone not serious about the interview or the job. If you really want to stand out, just stay in bed and skip the interview altogether.
3. Don’t shake hands properly
Another good tone-setter, this one never fails to show what you’re made of. You can try to be Arnold and use the terminator shake to say “hire me and I’ll crush your head”, or then go the other way and use the limp fish to highlight your utter lack of enthusiasm (extra points if you’ve been holding your hands in your pocket and have clammy hands). You can also completely ignore the interviewers extended arm to be “that guy”. Nobody likes “that guy”, so it could be a winner!
4. Don’t look the interviewer in the eye
You should keep this in mind from the moment you enter and combine it with the bad handshake. Double whammy! Keep it going throughout the interview to show your lack of social skills. Alternatively, you can also give the interviewer the hardest stare of your life, and keep it going throughout the interview. This gives a nice creep-effect which can further help lower your stock.
5. Wear your overcoat in the job interview
Coat rack in the lobby? Don’t care. Another one in the interview room itself? No matter, just keep that bad boy on! This instills a nice sense of disregard towards the role and the process as a whole. Besides, it’ll keep you warm, as well as make your getaway faster (so you can run out of the interview without a handshake).
6. Keep your phone on the table (preferably not on silent)
For extra effect, you can ask someone to call and/or text you throughout the interview. When it does buzz or ring, pick it up nonchalantly and maybe even start replying to your messages.
7. Don’t answer the questions
A good way to do this is to keep referring to your CV. For example, if the interviewer says: “So tell me, what were your responsibilities at your previous job?” You could reply with a faint “It’s in my CV, you can read it from there.” (This does actually happen, and not once have I seen a person like that get the job).
8. Don’t know what you want
Do you know what career development path you want to walk down? If yes, you might give a good impression as someone with goals and ambition. Overall, it’s better to have a vague answer that lasts for a long time and ultimately provides no answers. Or if you want to keep it short, just combine a shoulder shrug with a “dunno”.
9. Don’t ask any questions
Even after following all these steps before and during the interview, you still want to make sure to leave a lasting impression. If you make it to the end of the interview before getting up and leaving (another bonus tip to definitely not get the job), make sure you have no questions to ask. Show absolutely no interest towards the role or the company – alternatively, you can ask an unrelated question, like directions to the toilet.
10. Be disrespectful
This last one is something you should be doing throughout (and frankly, by following all these steps you won’t even need to try). It’s not a one-off activity, but rather a state of mind, a way of being. Nobody wants to hire a disrespectful person, so the more you can make sure you come off as one, the higher your chances are of not getting the job!
So there you have it: a ten-step guide to killing that interview (in quite the literal sense). You don’t necessarily need to follow all of them, but you can try mixing and matching to find out which ones work best for you. Best of luck in your efforts to not move forward!